The Giant Slime of Squishy Doom
by NeoJericho
Summary: Dr. Weird accidently creates a giant blob, which begins destroying New Jersey. The ATHF race to stop it, and maybe set up their Spring Break vacation on the way.


Lightning flashed and thunder struck as the rain around the South Jersey Shore refused to let up. Since it was around two in the morning, the lights in the area were all off for the night. But, one house, a giant tower on the edge of the shore, was still lit up. Even though the sound of the thunder was deafening, the sound of maniacal laughter could be heard drifting from the tower.  
  
"Gentlemen!" the voice of Dr. Weird boomed from his laboratory, "I have created…the Chewing Gum of Squishy Joy!" The doctor looked around the room expectantly, as if a large crowd were viewing the unveiling. As usual, however, only his assistant was present.  
  
"Wow, Dr. Weird…" the assistant said, trying to sound interested. "It's…uh, nice. But what does it do?"  
  
"I don't know!" Dr. Weird yelled triumphantly. "But we're going to zap it with the Evil Warping Plot Device Beam and find out!"  
  
The assistant sighed and turned on the beam. The machine beeped and came to life, the end of the laser glowing a bit.  
  
"Now, zap it good, just like they zapped me with those crazy beams!" The doctor cried, referencing an event that no one recalled.  
  
The beam came to life, assaulting the tiny wad of gum with a dazzling display of light. Seconds later, the assistant switched the beam off.  
  
The gum began to glow, and it started to expand, growing larger and larger until it was nearly filling the room.  
  
"No!" Dr. Weird cried. "Why does this always happen to me? Assistant, stop it from escaping!"  
  
But it was too late. The blob, still growing at an alarming rate, escaped the lab through a large rabbit-shaped hole.  
  
"We have GOT to fix that…" the assistant muttered.  
  
* * * *  
  
Aqua Teen Hunger Force:  
  
The Giant Slime of Squishy Doom  
  
By  
  
NeoJericho  
  
* * * *  
  
"WHAT IN THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY CAR?!?" Carl screamed, as he gasped at his car, which was covered in a slimy orange goop. Carl then turned to look at his house.  
  
"WHAT IN THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY HOUSE?!?" Carl screamed, as he gasped at his house, which was also covered in the same slimy goop. Carl then looked past his house, noticing the city beyond.  
  
"WHAT IN THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE CITY?!?" Carl screamed, as he gasped at the goo-covered city.  
  
Master Shake opened the door of the ATHF HQ, whistling happily as he strolled over to Carl's yard and picked up Carl's newspaper. He was about to return to his house when he noticed Carl staring in the direction of the city with his mouth agape.  
  
"Yo, Carl, what's wrong?" Master Shake asked happily, while quickly lifting his lid and hiding Carl's newspaper inside.  
  
"Oh, you can NOT tell me that you don't see all this goo crap that's covering the city!" Carl replied.  
  
Shake was silent.  
  
"You DO see it, right?" Carl asked again.  
  
Shake was silent again, but then spoke up. "Hey, I think someone scratched your car, Carl!"  
  
"If there WAS a scratch on it," Carl said, obviously agitated, "then it'd be pretty hard to see, what with all of the damn goo covering it!"  
  
"No, really, I see one," Shake continued. "It looks like there's a meat stain right by it, too…I bet that little mutant meat jerk did it!"  
  
"I don't give a damn about a damn scratch! It wouldn't add up to all this water damage that goo is going to cause!"  
  
"Goo?" Shake asked.  
  
Meatwad rolled out of the ATHF HQ, turning toward Shake. "Hey, where's the paper, Master Shake? I want the funnies!"  
  
"Shhh, quiet, you little mutant," Shake said, silencing Meatwad. "I antcay tealsay the aperpay if you screw it upay!"  
  
"I know Pig Latin, you freak," Carl muttered.  
  
"Whoa, what's with all the goo around here?" Meatwad asked.  
  
"I am not seeing this goo stuff," Shake argued.  
  
"Oh, good, then I'm not the only one who noticed the city has been covered by this crap," Carl sighed. "I mean, not that it's easy to miss or anything…"  
  
Frylock hurried out of the ATHF HQ, racing over toward the others. "I've been watching the news," he said, nearly out of breath. "The city's been taken over by a giant blob! He's covered the city in his goo!"  
  
"Where is the goo?" Shake asked, walking around the yard a few times.  
  
Frylock looked at Shake, sighed, then turned to Meatwad and Carl. "This blob is going to destroy the city if we don't stop it. The reports say it's stopped growing, but it's as big as a building now."  
  
"This all sounds like a bad B-movie…" Carl muttered.  
  
"Well, it's up to us to stop it," Frylock said, determined. "Although I don't think we'll be getting much help from Shake on this one."  
  
Suddenly, Shake screamed. "Carl, someone covered your car in slime! And…holy crap, the whole town's covered too!"  
  
Carl, Meatwad, and Frylock stared at him.  
  
"Aqua Teen Hunger Force, assemble!" Shake yelled. "We must find and destroy the source of this slime of squishy doom!"  
  
"Oh, he's a quick one," Carl sighed.  
  
* * * *  
  
The Meatwad-driven cart of the ATHF slowly plodded along to the city, following the main trail of slime. Meatwad was moving the cart as usual, with Frylock, Master Shake, and Carl in the back.  
  
"I can't believe you decided to come with us, Carl," Frylock said.  
  
"Yeah, well, don't get used to it, fry man," Carl replied, pushing a couple shells into his shotgun. "I just want to get this guy for ruining my car."  
  
"A gun like that will never work," Shake commented, eyeing Carl's weapon. "When you deal with mutants and super villains like we do, you gotta have super-human powers. And good ones, like mine, not some crappy shape-shifting stuff like that bum up there."  
  
"Do what now?" Meatwad asked from in front of the cart.  
  
Frylock closed his eyes, and activated his Frydar, as one of his fries popped up and began to spin. "He's right up there, Meatwad. Keep going."  
  
Meatwad groaned, and sped up a bit. As the cart advanced, a giant orange shape appeared in the middle of the road.  
  
"Holy crap, look at that!" Carl said, shocked.  
  
The slime towered over the city, overtaking even the tallest buildings. It was flinging large globs of slime across the city, covering buildings and houses in goo. People all around were running in terror, some of them covered head to toe in goo.  
  
"All right," Carl said, jumping from the cart. "This is for screwing up my wheels, you slime bastard!" Carl ran towards the slime, stopping a few yards away. He took aim, and fired into the center of the slime. He quickly reloaded, and fired again and again.  
  
The slime seemed to shudder a bit as it was hit.  
  
"Hey! What the hell are you doing?" a voice cried out suddenly.  
  
"Huh? Who said that?" Meatwad asked.  
  
"Me! The slime!"  
  
"It can talk?" Frylock gasped.  
  
"Yeah, I can talk! And what's up with blasting me with a damn shotgun?" the slime yelled, obviously upset.  
  
"Cuz you messed up my car, you freak!" Carl yelled.  
  
"Oh yeah?" the slime asked. "Well, did you ever think to try talking to me first? I have feelings too, you know!"  
  
"Oh, crap," Shake muttered. "He's one of those touchy-feely types."  
  
Frylock sighed. "Okay, er…Mr. Slime. Why are you destroying the town?"  
  
The slime sighed. "I destroy because of my inner sadness. I had a horrible childhood…my parents, they hated me. And all the other slimes at school made fun of me…they said I was weird…"  
  
"Wow, that's horrible," Meatwad said.  
  
The slime continued. "So…one day, I just couldn't take it anymore. But I had a great idea. I went to school that day, just like always, but when I got there, I…"  
  
"You did what?" Frylock asked.  
  
"I…"  
  
"What'd you do?" Meatwad asked with anticipation.  
  
"I… ah, I can't remember the rest of the story, but…YOUR MOTHER'S A WHORE!!!" the slime yelled, then broke into uncontrollable laughter.  
  
"You mean that whole story was a lie?" Frylock asked.  
  
"Yeah," the slime answered. "And you fell for the whole thing, ass."  
  
"That's it!" Carl yelled. "I am filling you with lead, you slimy freak!" Carl pumped a few more shots into the slime.  
  
The slime slowly extended a part of itself into a long, thick strand, eventually taking the shape of an arm. The arm pulled back, and the hand shaped into a fist.  
  
"He's screwed," Shake said with a chuckle.  
  
"Bang, Boom, straight to the moon!" the slime yelled. Its gooey arm stretched back, then shot forward in an uppercut with incredible speed, ramming into Carl and sending him straight up into the air, where he quickly disappeared into the distance.  
  
"Don't worry Carl, I'll take care of the pool!" Shake said, laughing so hard that he fell off the cart.  
  
"This is no laughing matter, Shake!" Frylock yelled. "Someone has to take care of the blob!"  
  
"All right, then," Shake said with confidence. "Let me show you guys what a REAL superhero can do."  
  
Shake waddled up and stood in front of the blob. He closed his eyes, and for a moment he appeared to be in deep concentration. Then, his body began to bulge, as if he was going to explode. The bulge went up his body, and headed through his straw.  
  
"Pistachio Cannon! Fire!" Shake shouted.  
  
The bulge fired out from Shake's straw. It was a large wad of pistachio shake. It hurtled through the air at an incredible speed…and landed roughly two feet away, nowhere near the blob.  
  
Shake, Meatwad, Frylock, and the Blob all stared at the green splatter on the ground.  
  
"Right, then," Shake said quickly. "I softened him up enough. You guys finish the rest."  
  
"Shake, you'd better not abandon us," Frylock warned. But Shake had already wandered off, and was looking at the variety of stores that were nearby.  
  
"Oh, this is a travel agency," he said in awe. "All right guys, you finish up with this whole blob thing. I'm gonna go in here and plan our Spring Break Road Trip!"  
  
Shake entered the store quickly.  
  
"Figures…" Frylock mumbled.  
  
"Hey, I wanna go to Disneyland!" Meatwad protested.  
  
"That's not important right now!" Frylock said, exhausted. He turned to the blob. "All right, it looks like I'm going to have to deal with you myself!"  
  
"Take your best shot, sissy," the blob replied.  
  
Frylock's eyes began to glow. They then erupted into a purple covered beam, and proceeded to assault the blob. But they were unsuccessful, and the blob didn't even have a scratch.  
  
The blob shook with laughter. "God, you guys are pathetic," he chuckled. "This town is boring me…I gotta find a new place to trash."  
  
Suddenly, Shake came out of the travel agency, whistling happily to himself. He was holding several pieces of paper in his hand. "Dude, guys, I found the best deal on a trip to Alaska…"  
  
"Shake, this is NOT the time!" Frylock said, agitated.  
  
"Yeah, you're right, Alaska's too cold this time of year. Well, this Hawaii trip is a good deal too…" Shake continued, looking at the other papers he was holding.  
  
"I wanna go to Disneyland!" Meatwad protested.  
  
"But this one," Shake said, holding the brochure out proudly, "is the best of all. Las Vegas, baby!"  
  
"Enough of your talk!" the Blob said suddenly, obviously irritated. "What is this nonsense you speak of?"  
  
"What, you mean Las Vegas?" Shake asked. "You mean you don't know what Las Vegas is?"  
  
"Well…no," the Blob replied hesitantly, seeming a bit embarrassed.  
  
"Dude, you HAVE to go there," Shake answered. "It's the best place on earth! The city, it's got lights everywhere! And it's got some of the best food you can get. Plus, there's a prostitute on every street corner! And…the best part…" Shake said with a smile. "You can gamble ANYWHERE. Even the airports have slot machines!"  
  
"This place…" the Blob said…"it has lights, food, money…and whores?"  
  
"All that and more!"  
  
"It's settled then," the Blob said triumphantly. "I will leave this town and head for…Las Vegas!"  
  
And with that, the blob turned and rolled away, in the general direction of Nevada.  
  
"All right! Success!" Shake said, laughing.  
  
"What do you mean, 'success'?" Frylock asked. "Now he's just going to go destroy Las Vegas, and everything along the way! It's not over!"  
  
"Dude, Frylock, chill out," Shake said calmly. "He's leaving Jersey. Not our problem anymore. Besides, Assisted Living Dracula 2: Dentures of Doom is on in twenty minutes, and I'm not gonna miss it!"  
  
"Whoa, Assisted Living Dracula?" Meatwad asked. "Cool, let's go!"  
  
Meatwad walked over to the cart, Master Shake only a few steps behind him. Frylock was still standing at the scene, dumbfounded.  
  
"C'mon," Shake said. "We're done."  
  
* * * *  
  
Shake and Meatwad sat around the TV set, watching the screen intently.  
  
"Meatwad, move it!" Shake yelled. "I can't see the dentures biting at his catheter bag!"  
  
"You got the chair, Master Shake," Meatwad said, annoyed. "I get to sit wherever I want!"  
  
Their argument was interrupted by the TV, which switched programs suddenly to a news report.  
  
"This just in," the news reporter announced. "The blob that ravaged most of New Jersey this morning has now made its way to Nevada. The government had called in the Superfriends to help. Aquaman was the first to arrive, but since the blob had wisely avoided the Hoover Dam, his ability to talk to fish was of no help!"  
  
"So what else is new?" Shake muttered.  
  
"However, now the REAL superheroes, such as Batman and Wonder Woman, have arrived, so we're sure this situation will soon be under control. Now we return you to today's movie!"  
  
Meatwad turned to Shake. "Master Shake," he asked, "shouldn't we have taken care of that blob?"  
  
Shake sighed. "Meatwad, you just don't get it. Superheroes of my caliber can't be bothered to waste their time on stuff like that. Those other lightweights can do it for us. Now be quiet, Assisted Living Dracula is about to try talking without his dentures!"  
  
The pair watched the movie in silence for several minutes, then Shake's eyes lit up suddenly. "Oh, I forgot!" He lifted up his lid a bit and pulled out the newspaper stashed there. "I forgot I had put Carl's newspaper in there."  
  
"Where is Carl, anyway?" Meatwad asked.  
  
* * * *  
  
Carl awoke with a start. He sat up, rubbing his forehead. "Damn blob hit me hard…" he muttered.  
  
He sat up and studied his surroundings. The landscape was grey, with lots of rocks strewn about.  
  
"Man," Carl said. "He DID hit me to the moon."  
  
Suddenly, Carl saw two figures approaching him. One was colored green, the other, who was much smaller, was colored pink. It didn't take long for Carl to recognize them.  
  
"Oh, this day gets better and better," he said sarcastically.  
  
The Mooninites walked up to Carl, chuckling.  
  
"Why, Carl," Inignoc said with a laugh. "What a surprise to see you here again?"  
  
"Are you ready for another moon rock spanking, caveman?" Ir asked, picking up a nearby rock.  
  
Oh crap, Carl thought to himself. 


End file.
